Rising Above The World
A blog about the changing life of a teen.
Hand in Hand
Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.
Hello again, my friends :)
Look For The Good
Do they care?
Every day we see a different headline on the shelves of the grocery stores and gas stations, proclaiming the latest scandal of that well-known celebrity or that big shot in politics. However, have you ever taken into account that these are just lines written by those desperate paparazzi who know that bad news is always good news? Now I’m not saying that all those up there on the fame line are perfect. I’m sure we see the not so perfect ones in those of Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, or Kim Kardashian. However, there are some stars who are so good, that people just LOOK for the bad, to make a good story.
They may be famous, but they are people too! Most are smart enough to take their job seriously too, as a role model for the generation, but the fact that their words and pictures are taken completely out of context constantly isn’t helping their career. Do paparazzi just enjoy ruining the lives that celebrities have worked for? And yes, it does take work. Lots of time and effort, which is something that some people don’t seem to understand.
I look up to Lady Gaga. This may surprise many people, as I don’t even like some of her songs, but I look up to her because she presents herself in such a way that she doesn’t care what others thing of her. She dresses and acts in the most outgoing way possible. She may have her faults, but what one among us doesn’t have faults? Hers are just more well-known, while those in our society have the decency to keep secrets of our fellow-man.
Yes, I am ranting a bit. I don’t appreciate the fact that some people are so hooked on the latest gossip that they can’t understand that what they say may hurt people. And celebrities are people.
Sincerely,
Dia <3
The Best Gift
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
My Dear Readers,
Before I begin today’s post, I would like to apologize to those readers who check my blog daily for not writing much as of late. I have been dealing with a lot these days. I’ll sum up what happened quickly, as they are not particularly things I enjoy talking about, but I know that blogging is my way to get things out.
On December 10th, I went through the anniversary of my dearest friend’s death. Chrissy Isobel was hit by a drunk driver and killed one year ago on that date. It was the hardest day of my life. I met her online and found out how close she lived to me. That is when we became dear friends. Now that I don’t have her with me anymore, I am trying hard to deal, and actually managing, thank goodness. I know she is helping me from a better place.
The other important event that has taken place was my sister’s birthday, on December 5th. That again was a hard day, as I am still unable to contact her or my other sister. Usually, on her birthday, I have a gift ready for her, I make her a cake, and we enjoy her birthday as a family. That day I celebrated it on my own and wished her happiness from an hour away.
The third event that has made things hard for me to write lately was losing someone I thought was a dear friend to me. Jake and I got in an enormous fight that ended up in blocking. I don’t believe I will ever be speaking to him again; I’ve made that choice. It is better for us both.
Now, enough with the depressing stuff! Lets talk of what’s good!
Christmas is coming up, folks! I’m pretty excited, personally, since this will be my first ever Christmas with a family who cares, all in one place. Christmas to me has always been a big deal, because I’ve just always been more cheerful when I am able to make things for people.
I finished all my shopping on Cyber Monday, because you all know I wouldn’t risk my safety and well-being running around a crowded store at midnight fighting over 2$ waffle irons. However, I did manage to get some amazing deals online (for which I would love to thank Kohls, Fukh8, Gap, and other wonderful online shopping centers that I visited and shopped with).
This year, I have received the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. I received a friend of mine back. Grant, a dear friend of mine from my online days contacted me once he realized I was actually alive. The last day I talked to him was the day I was sent to Dominion hospital, so I can imagine he was scared by my swift disappearance. We were dating when I left, but I broke things off. We’ve decided to be friends for now. However, I am just glad he is back in my life and that I don’t have to hide him from my father or step-mother. They are carefully monitoring things, so my readers do not have to worry about me falling back into old forgotten habits.
Grant and I were friends for a long while before I left. I spent months without him and now that he is back, I am bordering happiness, even with all the other horrible stuff that has been going on. I would like to dedicate this post to him, my Grant, as thanks for always being there for me and for loving me. I love you Grant!
To the rest of my readers, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, in case I am unable to write until after I get back from vacation. I get to go to New York! So yes, thank you all for reading and accepting my views. I love you all for that.
Lots of Love and Christmas Cheer,
Dia
Lost In Yesterday
Part of me feels like a mother who has lost her child...
Hello again, my readers.
Yesterday was my middle sisters 15th birthday, and it was a rather hard day for me to work through. In fact, this entire week is going to be extremely difficult. I’m not exactly sure if I’ll be writing more often or just much less. Whatever helps me work through the week.
So, yesterday, I wrote on my Facebook status, wishing my sister a happy birthday and telling her how much I love her. In my journal, I went into greater detail, writing a letter to her. It pains me to know that I am unable to tell her these things right now, and probably won’t be able to until the day she turns 18.
It is interesting how I feel about this. Part of me feels like a mother who has lost her children, for that is nearly what happened. I practically raised my two younger sisters on my own, with little help from my abusive mother. Ever since I left for the treatment center, I haven’t seen or spoken to them. They refuse to see me, or talk to me, and I am very sure why. My mother has done to them the same thing she did to me. She warped their minds into thinking she is doing things right.
Another part of me feels like I should take this opportunity to learn more and more about myself and learn what its like to be a teenager, not having to worry about taking care of and feeding kids when I get home. This is all very conflicting, in my mind. Should I try to work to get my sisters to talk to me or should I let them be, to allow them to decide for themselves? It’s a struggle between what I want and wish for and what might be best for them. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe it will be easier for them to have me out of their lives, if temporarily.
Am I just lost in yesterday? Lost in my past emotions and hurt?
What do you think about this situation?
—
Dia <3
The Beauty of Silence
Try turning off the music, closing your mouth, and opening your ears. You'd be surprised at what you learn.
I don’t think people understand how important silence can be.
I know that is a rather blunt way to begin today’s article, but as you all know, I write whatever pops into my head that day.
I was sitting with a friend of mine at school, and since we were just sitting and not really talking much, apparently the silence had given him the impression that the situation had become awkward, so he left, giving me that exact reason. Little did he know that I was rather enjoying his company. I was simply just listening to the people and sounds around me.
This is how I get most of my inspiration for my writings and beliefs for my blog. I listen and I watch. You honestly can’t write very well if you don’t understand the way a human works or acts around others. Not everyone is the same, so you can’t base everything you write about just on the way you act.
These days we are constantly surrounded by sound. Music, talking, loud noises. People rarely seem to take the time to just sit and listen to what is around them! They seem to always want to fill silences with chatter or some other form of noise. Silence has become awkward for people! This is something I don’t understand. Silence is beautiful and inviting for me. Why do people find it awkward?
Have you ever just sat somewhere, such as a park or a street and simply listened and watched? It can be surprising how much fun and interesting it can be. I suggest you give it a try. Turn off the music, close your mouth and open your ears. You’ll be shocked at what you learn.
—
Dia <3
Shadow
There are times when you might feel, when you look around, like nothings real, and you are nothing but shadow.
There are times when you might feel
When you look around, like nothing’s real
And you are nothing but shadow.
Have you ever felt nonexistent, or just not real? I did. For the longest time I didn’t feel anything. I wouldn’t LET myself feel anything at all. I’m still going through that, actually. It’s as if I am trying to re-learn how to feel and that it really is okay to have emotions and express them. I know it takes time, but its beginning to piss me off. That is one emotion I seem to have no trouble feeling.
I seem to constantly confuse myself and others with my stupid emotions and inability to control them, so why do I keep trying to feel? Because the years of constant numbness affected me in horrible ways and I am trying desperately hard to be a normal kid for once.
Do people normally struggle like this with their emotions and feelings? Why is it so hard? I mean, I get the fact that I got so used to not feeling that it became normal to be and emotions were like nonexistent or prevented, but I thought something as natural as emotions would come back to me easily. I mean seriously, I haven’t been numb my ENTIRE life. Sometimes I think back to when I didn’t feel and kinda wish for it back. I dunno, things just seemed easier when I was unfeeling, you know?
However, me being like that didn’t work well for me. I landed myself in a residential treatment center, for god’s sakes! I could use a bit of help with this. Anyone up for the takes? What do I do? How do I become more comfortable with the idea of emotions? How do I tell emotions from each other when in harder situations where it is more difficult for me to pick out one emotion from the other?
—
Dia <3
The Trouble with Wishing
You never know when a wish can become reality, so be careful what you wish for.
Every day people wish and hope to become rich and famous, doing everything in their power to make that dream come true. Lottery tickets are bought like candy and followed like a religion, just to see if that slim chance could be theirs. You look at these stories of people who’ve won millions and millions of dollars, and when you see them next, they’re broke. They spend it all in close to a second because they have more money than they know what to do with. Those are the type of people who are probably on the streets, begging for spare change to feed themselves and their families. See, that’s the trouble with wishing, the trouble that people don’t often see at the moment. Wishes come true, and the bigger the wish, the bigger the consequences. You never know when a wish can become reality, so be careful what you wish for. Just look at the news if you need more proof. It’s in some sort of story ever day.
People need to learn to be happy with what they have and not constantly wish for more. I know that having a ton of money like that is in everyone’s wishes. Money provides less worry about bills and college for kids and the likes. However, unless you know what to do with the money and are smart about your spending, you honestly shouldn’t invest in trying by buying. A man once said “Wise men learn from the mistakes of others.”. I completely agree with him. Don’t make your own mistakes if you can avoid them by learning from the mistakes of others. We as humans have the power to learn every day, so really try! Invest your time, not just your wishes and dreams. If you really want something, do something more than buying a lottery ticket or just doing your job and calling it a day. In order to fulfil dreams worth wishing for, you have to exceed your normal day.
—
Dia
That Someone
Best Friends
Everyone needs that one person to help lift them up when they can’t struggle to walk anymore. Some have more than one, but everyone needs at least one. I have mine, or recently just gained my dearest guy friend. So Jake, the blog entry this week goes to you.
Jake is a friend I met at my school a few weeks ago, and we kind of leaned toward each other. I had my problems, some of which you, my readers, know, and some of which you don’t. He had his problems, which I am not going to post for the world to see. We saw each other as non-judgmental people so we took shelter from the judging world of young adults in the comfort of each other’s words. Our problems and struggles may not be entirely the same, but we see the similarities or our current and past situations and know how to help, or at least know how to lift the other from the ground, brush them off, and point them in the right direction.
I must admit, I have a bit of trouble knowing how to help him sometimes, but I truly do my best, and I know he does his best to help me when I’m down too. There are periods when I know how much he means to me, and yet there are periods during which I am sure I couldn’t deserve to have anyone as good as he is to be my friend, and yet here we are.
Jake knows how to make me smile and laugh, how to lift me up and wipe away the hurt, even if temporarily. I wouldn’t give him up for the world, so Jake, thank you for everything you have done to help me during everything, through the worst. And even for being there after I woke up from that nightmare about my sisters, not caring that it was 3 in the morning. I love you, Jake!
And now, readers, this question is directed to you again. Have you ever, or do you have that one person in your life you couldn’t live without? If so, why?
Until next time!
—
Dia
Change – A Poem by Me
Moving ahead or falling back
Sometimes it is hard to choose
To move ahead, it seems too hard
But falling back we lose.
The past is such a painful place
Full of memories and woe
It’s easier to fall to what we see
Then toward what we don’t know
But we knew this wasn’t gonna be
A simple piece of cake
Concentrate on paths ahead
The journey we must take.
Though it may seem at times in life
We just cannot move on
Each day brings on some brand new things
And the beauty of the dawn.
Fear/Stop The Silence!
Break The Silence!
You know, when I think about my past, I really get sad and upset. My past life was such a painful place for me, that today when I think of it, it feels real, as if it is still helping. During those times I have the worst time with coping. Thank God for Tayler, or I’d be falling more often.
I’m still scared though. One of my biggest fears if that one of my sisters, whom I cared for 10 years with little to no help from anyone else, will die or be seriously hurt, and I’m not there to care for them anymore. I’m not allowed to contact them. However, I am constantly reminded that what happens isn’t my fault, no matter how much I feel at fault for leaving. I guess I did it to save myself, so I could still be there for them when they wanted me to be. They can still contact me if they need to, so I suppose it isn’t as bad.
I guess I’m just ranting a bit, telling you all about my fears, but it feels kinda good. I like putting myself out there for you guys. I apologize that I don’t have any amazing story or perfect advice for you this time, but I thought maybe you guys would like a little update about what I’m doing and feeling as I write behind this screen.
I have a reminder for you guys, by the way. Go to www.stopthesilence.org and get yourself a Stop The Silence! T-shirt. I just did. Read about what this organization is all about! They help kids who went through what I did and worse not fall for the most devastating way of escape. Oh, and on April 20th, 2012, remember to spend the entire day silent! Stop The Silence by reminding people out there about the silence some kids are forced to remain in.
On the website, they have a special form that you can show your educators, so you don’t have to speak during classes or anything, so you won’t get in trouble for having to stay silent that day. Trust me, give it a try. You’d be surprised what a difference it makes for people.
Lots of Love,
Dia
Rising Above The World 